Today I had a conversation about the film A Fantastic Woman with a cisgender friend. She said that she and another friend had seen it and the other friend didn’t find believable Marina’s behavior in the scene where she starts jumping on a car with Orlando’s family inside because up to that point Marina had been quite submissive to the cisgender majority.
Recently my psychologist observed of me: “In your soft way, you’re furious.”
When you are a trans woman in a society where most police departments don’t consider the murder of a trans woman worth spending more than a few minutes on before filing it away as unsolved–there was a real investigation in the recent gruesome case here only because the victim’s sister kept melting the phones of local police officials until they grudgingly started looking into her disappearance–where in 2018 medical providers and other professionals feel safe in sneering at you openly and misgendering you in front of others working with them, where you might find yourself on the receiving end of at least some nasty little smirk or comment–or something much, much worse–any time you get clocked, you learn to get quiet, to pretend not to hear the hateful words or the clearly intentional misgendering, to be secretive, and to avoid drawing attention to yourself by speaking up for rights that will most likely not be granted.
You learn your place.
But that constant drip, drip, drip of petty cruelties and little humiliations builds up an anger you try to pretend isn’t there. Eventually it may erupt and you may be startled by the sound of a deeply wounded woman venting her hurt and rage.
And that furious woman is you.
So I for one find completely believable the scene in A Fantastic Woman where Marina–who has been robbed of her beloved and everything she shared with him in their life together, has been slandered and humiliated and even assaulted merely for trying to mourn a man she deeply loved–finally erupts and starts jumping on the car with Orlando’s family inside and demanding the return of the dog he gave her.